Shirlei Rico

I opened the bedroom door and a new world was revealed. The desire to not go through that was great. But I opened the door and my heart to my son's world.

With a racing heart, a lost mind and a weakened soul, I seek a space for reason and concrete thinking. Action is needed. We are in a single world, people are totally involved in our lives and we need to go through this. Face what you have to face here and now. Then, disconcerted, I close the door to wait for tomorrow. But tomorrow is slow to arrive, because a sea of crying marks the passage between days.

And tomorrow comes. The mess is in my heart, in my mind, in my spirit. My son is there and I need to take care. Caring for a promising future, caring and loving a lot, as always. The heart hurts, but action is needed.

I open the door again to that battlefield that opens in my eyes. A minefield where we don't know the traps that await us.

What I was yesterday, I am no longer this day. A child's room is no longer just a room.

I entered with only two feelings: sadness and love.

The words are harsh, the ears hurt and they don't want to hear, but they need to. Exchanges, doubts, distrust, insecurity, anguish, disappointment, these are the first things you hear between the lines.

And between spoken and unspoken speech, between hugs and regrets, between excuses and lack of recognition, when wanting to hear something that does not come and hear what we did not think we would hear, a being will be deconstructed on this side and another on the other side.

The pain doesn't go away. The crying does not stop. The desire not to go through this is so great! But your son is there waiting for an outstretched hand to pull him up. They are broken hearts, they are minds full of thoughts and fears. But the hand held makes all the difference. And it is still there, extended every day. Just shrunk to wipe away the tears that run in your eyes and in your heart.

I'm by your side. My anger starts to dissipate giving way to the hope that we will be together, always. That door opened to destroy and rebuild. And it is this faith and hope that moves us so that, together, with hands extended to each other, we can aim for a future together.

The door closes. And fear comes. Every time a door closes comes fear of what might happen. I need to tell you this. How much fear. I don't know what's behind the door.

You said that I can trust. That's all I want to believe. In the kiss given in the morning, in the loving embrace, in the promises of not having empty chairs.

My son. You are part of me and feeling distant hurts. But I know that you have to learn. Learn to trust and open the world for you. Give me time. I believe I know how to change and so do you. I believe in the power that God has given us to be a mother and child, and to build promising futures.

...

Time passes. Today I feel strengthened. There were so many learnings, thoughts and decision-making in such a short time.

The consequences come. We lose and win with the decisions made, we lose some, we win others we see others. We open our minds to see a different world from the one that was perfect.

And, writing here today, I reflected and perceived my and his emotions ... dreams under construction, doubts about a being in growth, fears that life will pass, fears of growing and being what he does not want ... Of course, you are young and this is normal.

And the sadness was diluted, my heart was filled with pride to see the boy I created, taking his responsibilities in his hands and, at the same time, sharing his fears with me.

He made me grow. A deep sense of accomplishment today appears in my eyes. He grew up, with principles and values that we will reap what we sow. And he knows how to plant good.

I realize today, with tears in my eyes, how difficult it was for him too. His actions reflected his interior, his need to act, overcome, relax, be and do differently so that he had stories to tell.

And I realize that one day I was like that too. And I recognize: moving from adolescence to adulthood requires a lot of overcoming.

Now I feel at peace. Believing is all I have to offer. He needs to live. Overcome yourself. Reach your goals. Live and fly, but feel your feet on the ground when necessary. We will always be here by the side to give you the support you need. We are grimaces, yes. Ah if we are. We will learn from him to take our flights as well.

He allowed us to be full-time fathers and mothers. He taught us to live by making us feel the world going around without knowing when and where it was going to end. We suffer, but we learn to love more and more. And so we learn to create, to feel ... more and more, through this experience of yours that is adolescence.

Eternal love for him.